Can my ex decide whether I have a new partner during our divorce?
What would you like help with?
Detailed explanation, checklist and sources
No. Your ex has no general veto over a new relationship, including during divorce proceedings in the Netherlands. Contact with children, the shared home and financial consequences have separate rules. Check existing agreements and court orders before changing arrangements.
On this page
- Can I start a relationship while still married?
- Must I tell my ex about a new partner?
- Can my ex ban introductions to the children?
- Is there a compulsory six-month waiting period?
- Can my ex withhold the children?
- Can a new partner affect maintenance?
- Can my partner enter our shared home?
- Can I move with the children to my new partner?
- Can my ex use this against me in court?
- What should I do now?
- My ex says: no new partner, or you cannot see your child. What now?
- Documents to prepare
- Sources
1. Can I start a relationship while still married?
Starting a relationship differs from remarrying. You cannot marry another person while your marriage continues. Article 1:81 of the Dutch Civil Code mentions marital fidelity, help and support, but does not give your ex general control over your choice of partner. Unmarried former partners also have no general right to require permission for a new relationship.
2. Must I tell my ex about a new partner?
There is no general duty to seek approval for your love life or disclose every private detail. Parenting-plan agreements and relevant changes affecting your child may require information or consultation. Cohabitation can also affect maintenance, benefits and allowances. Identify the information needed; do not conceal relevant facts in proceedings or applications.
3. Can my ex ban introductions to the children?
Disliking your partner does not by itself let your ex impose a general ban. Check your parenting plan, contact conditions and court orders. Specific risks to the child's safety or development may justify conditions or court intervention. Introduce a partner calmly and at a pace suited to the child; do not make children choose between adults.
Rijksoverheid · Ouderschapsplan ↗
Rechtspraak · Voorwaarden kennismaking in een concrete zaak ↗
4. Is there a compulsory six-month waiting period?
Dutch law has no general six-month waiting period for introducing a partner to children. Your own agreement or a court order may contain a period. Have its meaning and enforceability assessed if disputed. Agree changes together in writing or ask your lawyer about a court decision; do not ignore an existing court condition.
Rijksoverheid · Ouderschapsplan ↗
Rijksoverheid · Ouderschapsplan aanpassen ↗
Rechtspraak · Voorwaarden kennismaking in een concrete zaak ↗
5. Can my ex withhold the children?
A new relationship alone is not sufficient reason to stop a care or contact arrangement unilaterally. Record any refusal and the stated reason factually and ask your lawyer about appropriate action. Immediate concrete danger requires protection first: call 112 in an emergency and seek urgent assessment of interim measures. Do not use maintenance or handovers as leverage.
6. Can a new partner affect maintenance?
A relationship alone does not automatically end spousal maintenance. After divorce, Article 1:160 may apply if the recipient remarries, enters a registered partnership or lives with someone as though married. The latter involves a lasting romantic relationship, cohabitation, a joint household and mutual care. One overnight stay or an address alone is not decisive. Different support rules apply while married; cohabitation and shared costs may still matter. Child maintenance does not end merely because of a relationship. Have the facts and agreements assessed; do not stop paying based only on suspicion.
Rijksoverheid · Onderhoudsplicht ↗
Rechtspraak · Voorwaarden samenleven en partneralimentatie ↗
7. Can my partner enter our shared home?
Choosing your partner freely does not mean deciding all rights to the shared home alone. Ownership, tenancy, agreements and interim court orders may affect visits, overnight stays or moving in. Make separate arrangements and consult your lawyers about disputes. A new relationship does not automatically require you to leave; do not evict the other person yourself.
8. Can I move with the children to my new partner?
With joint parental responsibility, moving with children is a separate major decision requiring the other responsible parent's consent or substitute court permission. Wanting to cohabit is not automatically decisive. The court weighs continuity, distance and contact, among other factors. Contact rights, information duties and court conditions can also matter without joint responsibility. Arrange this before moving.
9. Can my ex use this against me in court?
Your ex can raise specific concerns. A new relationship alone does not make you an unfit parent or automatically determine property division or maintenance. Actual consequences for children, money and housing can matter. Respond with verifiable facts and documents, rather than assumptions about motives. A new partner does not automatically gain parental responsibility through the relationship.
BW Boek 1 · huwelijk, ouderschap en onderhoud ↗
10. What should I do now?
Identify whether the dispute concerns the relationship, children, housing or money. Gather your parenting plan, orders and specific messages. Write down a proposal and any safety concern for each point. If you already have a lawyer, discuss it with them; the draft below can help. Keep your preparation private. Downloading sends nothing and changes no agreement.
Rijksoverheid · Ouderschapsplan ↗
Draft response: new relationship and practical arrangements
Adapt to your circumstances. In an ongoing dispute, ask your own lawyer to review it. This proposes discussion; it does not change care arrangements or send anything automatically.
Edit your draftWord
Your edits stay on this page and are not automatically saved or sent. Complete every placeholder.
My ex says: no new partner, or you cannot see your child. What now?
This demand does not itself authorise your ex to stop the care arrangement. Check agreements and orders, keep the message and consult your lawyer. Treat specific safety concerns separately; immediate danger requires protection first.
Documents to prepare
Prepare your next stepFill in and save · Word
Tick what you have checked or collected. Note what is missing and take your overview to a meeting.
Unless saved in My overview: Your entries stay only on this screen. Download before leaving; closing or reloading clears them. Do not enter identity numbers, passwords or unnecessary personal details.
What do you still need for your next step?
Item 1 / 6 · Where do you stand with this item?
Parenting plan and new-partner agreements
This overview follows your own answers. It does not assess your rights or guarantee that your file is complete.
Your choices stay here. Use the buttons below if you want to save or download.
View all details, notes and timeline
Your timeline and evidence
List events and contacts. Note where you keep the evidence; no upload is needed.
What goes in my timeline?
Record what happened, when, the response and where to find the letter, message or photo. Mark uncertain dates.
Is my evidence sent?
No. You only note where it is kept. No files are uploaded or sent automatically.
How do I save my timeline?
Your entries are not saved automatically. Choose Save and continue later to store this preparation, including your timeline, in My overview. Wait for confirmation and save new changes again. You can also download a Word file without an account.
Up to 20 events. Choose a different position for an event to change the order.
0 / 6 · Checked or collected
For each event, note the date, what happened and where the evidence is kept. Example: 3 October — letter received — correspondence folder.
Describe the solution you would like, such as an explanation of a deduction and repayment of the outstanding amount.
For example: which document is missing, who can provide it and what should I do first?
Record the date and its source. If unknown, note this and check promptly. This tool does not calculate or monitor deadlines.
After your conversation
These are your own notes. Confirm agreements with the other person; these notes do not prove their agreement.
This is your preparation, not a submitted request, objection or legally reviewed document. A tick records only your own progress. Check the procedure and deadline in the original letter.
Save and continue later
Clear entries
Download anything you want to keep first. Clearing cannot be undone.
- Parenting plan and new-partner agreements
- Court orders and interim measures
- Dated messages and requested restriction
- Effects on children, care and introductions
- Housing, cohabitation and financial changes
- Your proposal and questions for your lawyer
Contact with a lawyer
You can use the chat and information without a phone number. A contact request requires a phone number, a verified email address and your wish for telephone contact. Our team assesses which partner fits your question. Data is shared only under the stated consent procedure. A partner or engagement is not guaranteed.
View the current application processSources
Need personal assistance? Request a lawyer through our chat. We explain the next step; submitting a request does not engage a lawyer. The links below support the legal information.
BW Boek 1 · huwelijk, ouderschap en onderhoud ↗Rijksoverheid · Ouderschapsplan ↗Rijksoverheid · Ouderschapsplan aanpassen ↗Rijksoverheid · Onderhoudsplicht ↗Rechtspraak · Voorwaarden samenleven en partneralimentatie ↗Rechtspraak · Verhuizen met kinderen en nieuwe partner ↗Rechtspraak · Voorwaarden kennismaking in een concrete zaak ↗Politie · Zorg- en omgangsregeling ↗Rechtspraak · Echtscheidingsprocedure ↗Sources may be in Dutch. General information about Dutch law, not individual legal advice.